The Huffington Post just published another of my latest articles. It begins:
“Don’t we all long for the perfect life partner? Don’t we all hold, deep within ourselves, an idealized notion of what the person would be like and how wonderful it would be to spend our lives together? Yet, it has been said that people spend the first part of their life looking for the ideal mate. And after they find their mate, they spend the rest of their life trying to change them. So, in our society with a 40-50% divorce rate, we would do well to take a step back and reevaluate what an ideal relationship really looks like”…
My husbands truly weren’t the perfect partners I imagined them to be. Still sad about how my fantasies ruined the relationships. How does one get into a healthy relationship to relationship without even being able to truly see the other person?
This is a beautiful article and profoundly practical and applicable. I can take this wisdom and apply it to every relationship in my life.
…Or perhaps even better, I can sit with the wisdom, give it space and let it permeate my life. Change is certainly not a cloak to put on but a process. Dr. Mamas is a master in helping facilitate that process.
Bonnie, I like what you said about change being a process and not a cloak to put on.
I agree this article offers wisdom that, if we can truly take in, can transform the way we relate with others, with life.
I love the depth and breadth of this article. The metaphor of mountains and desserts and forests traversed and do we hold each other’s hands through this journey or blame each other for the hardships. Is it also simultaneously true that a partner is causing hardship in the relationship with all their stresses and transference? Or is it not possible for them to bring hardship to you if your relationship is healthy? One of my favorite topics. Thank you.
I am 56 and never been married. I have had several relationships however most of them relatively short. My current relationship has a duration of nine years and counting. I have no reservations in saying that the process of understanding myself..facilitated by Dr Michael Mamas..is a large part of why I can say “and counting”. I have responded to several people that say,”That is just who I am” (with) “No..that is just how you think”. When that reality became a mode of functioning for me, all things shifted. This article is on the mark..I know..I am living it!
I don’t have a partner currently but practice what you are teaching in all of my relationships. Right now most actively with my children. I find that your words are spot on and the more I am willing to examine what comes up in me in relationship to whatnots happening between us… The richer our relationship becomes. Thank you.